Dwandh – The Conflict

Some place amidst lush green trees, by the side of a calm lake where a gentle breeze blew and silence was broken only by occasional tweets of little birds, was sitting a man… still like a statue as if trying to absorb as much serenity as he could. He took an advice and slowed down to smell the roses which brought him to this paradise. He wanted to let the nature sink in… fill every pore of his body bathe his soul with the tranquility. Unfortunately, the situation in his beautiful mind couldn’t be more contrast than the surroundings he was sitting in. He was tormented, as if desperately searching for ever eluding answers; crying out silently to the Universe in a hope of getting some response.

Let us take a peek into his world –

“What is going on?? Why is it happening to me? Did I take the right path? What am I supposed to do?? Of course everything is going fine… There is nothing to complain… I have a great job, great family and great friends; what else one could ask for…

Ah and yet you have doubts… you are impatient… you are looking for answers to some inexpressible questions… you are doubtful about the future and questioning your past decisions.

Yes but that is not it; most important question of all is; am I on the right path?? What was I supposed to do with this life?? What is my purpose?? Am I heading towards right direction?? Who will tell me that and don’t say ‘GOD’. I don’t understand that concept completely or more accurately I don’t want HIM to intervene now, if He at all exists… I must figure this out on my own… I would rather fight and get an answer rather than surrender to whims of uncertainty and fate.

Ha ha ha… isn’t this amusing… here sits a man talking to himself… questioning and answering his own doubts about the purpose and refuting any higher help. Adamant, arrogant and ignorant: all at once. How can you be sure that this voice of ‘Self’ you are talking to is not the ‘voice of GOD’? The guiding force, the mentor thou seek so desperately.

Ok let us make one thing very clear… I know who exactly you are. You are the smart mouth who doesn’t know when to shut up, who is as incomplete and ignorant as I am. You are the one who adds to the chaos and confusion by proposing an alternative path while I am trying to make a decision. You are nothing but my alter ego whose knowledge and understanding is as limited as my own. A man plays innumerable roles in his life and his mind is so beautifully designed that it adapts to new roles and situations almost instantaneously. So you are one such entity or facet of human personality who develops with an individual as his experiences grow; so your knowledge could not be more than that of an individual but yes there is one quality which gives you an upper hand. You are more like an observer or analyst who can look at the current situations and past experiences objectively. Evaluate them and draw unbiased conclusions while I am free to curse the heavens and fate when I fail at something… Your clarity of thought and ability to draw unbiased conclusions makes you the ‘Wise’ one while I stay free to willow in pain and angst when some of my dearest dream shatter, like an innocent child who hates his mother for not giving him the candy. So cut the crap of playing ‘voice of GOD’ and stay focused.

 Ok; as long as I am the wiser one I will play along… :-) . So what is troubling you today?? You are in such a beautiful surrounding instead of enjoying that why are you tormenting yourself with silly questions?

Well it is not all my fault… These kind of serene surroundings just make you realize how chaotic ones daily life is. And the cycle of thought process kicks in leading to more philosophical questions like “Why is there so much of chaos? What is my role in this grand plan? What is my life’s purpose?”… Care to answer a couple of them?

Hmm… answer to this question is much simpler than one could imagine but that is not what everyone wants to listen. We humans are obsessed with ‘complexity’ but at times complex solutions are no solutions at all rather they complicate the original problem. At this point one would expect answers like “creation, leading, contributing to society etc.” but no, this is not the real purpose. The real purpose is much more fundamental than this.

“The real purpose of one’s life is – attaining Singularity”

Bringing the ‘dvandh’ – the conflict to an end by virtue of unity is true purpose of one’s life. As you mentioned earlier human mind adapts and evokes multiple personalities in a response to a situation; more often than not these facets are in conflict with one another. All these facets are parts of a whole but interfere with each other’s role and lead to never ending chaos. Bhagwat Geeta states “The mind acts like an enemy for those who do not control it” on similar lines Robin Sharma quoted “mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master”. The day when all these facets merge into one seamless ‘Whole’ Singularity will be attained and this ceaseless ‘dwandh’ will also come to an end.

 … … “

– With this there was a visible change in his demeanor, his face radiated with a peaceful smile and eyes sparkled with determination. It seemed he found the answer he sought. For him one of the many 'dwandhs' ended and now he seemed determined to end them all…

We - The Living...

While reading an article a phrase caught my attention “Stressful modern lifestyle”. The phrase seemed to be paradoxical and made me wonder. Shouldn’t it be the other way round? As we evolve as we progress shouldn’t our lifestyle promote more harmony and peace; leading to more stable and relaxed life? So why is it not what we expected? What would we need to do to end this paradox and strike the balance?

Before we do that we need to look at an example where life was much more fulfilling than now. Let us take a peek into the past and see how the Ancient Indian lifestyle was. A person’s life was divided into 4 phases/ashrams and the intention or purpose of each phase was explicitly stated. Those can be named as Bhramhacharya, Ghruhasthashram, Vanprasthashram and Sanyasa. These phases were well thought of and helped in leading a very stable well thoughtout life. The purposes of each stage are as follows:

1. Bhramhacharya: This is the “student” phase of life; starting right from the birth to 18yrs-25yrs of life. Normally, boys would leave their house of parents to go and learn from a teacher/Guru in hostel called as Gurukuls. Here a boy gained knowledge according to his aptitude, ability and need. The core principles of this phase of life are to build discipline, health and follow celibacy. The purpose of this phase is to gain knowledge, learn about the spiritual, social and family life.
2. Ghruhasthashram: This is the phase of life after Bhramhacharya and spans from 20yrs–45yrs of life. This phase of life is to be spent in starting and maintaining a family. This is the time when a person fulfills his duties towards his family and community. The main focus is towards doing a trade/profession, earning money and involving in social & worldly activities. Spiritual and religious activities are done considering the worldly life and social conduct.
3. Vanaprasthashram: This phase follows Ghruhasthashram starting from 45yrs–65yrs of life. The beginning of this phase of life marks a shift of focus in the person’s life from social to more spiritual purpose. The individual starts learning the way towards spiritual growth and starts distancing with the worldly matters. Here the person assumes a role of teacher or mentor to grownup children by providing guidance in their worldly pursuits whenever necessary. The person may stay with the family or move to other quieter place for spiritual practices.
4. Sanyasa: This is the last phase of life where one no longer indulges in worldly goals; their sole purpose is to pursue spiritual goals. In this phase the elder assumes the role of spiritual teacher to others or community and keep on increasing their spiritual knowledge with regular practices.

If we look at this breakdown of a person’s life then each phase in itself focused on personal growth while taking the person from one phase to next. A person evolved in his every phase of life by learning what was required and preparing for the next phase. With equal emphasis on each stage of life a person lived a wholesome life. Keeping in mind this shift of phases and changes in lifestyle a person had a sense of contentment. Also this lifestyle somehow instilled an understanding that life is not about being fixated about one particular thing but a constant flow towards improvement and acquiring excellence in whatever needs to be done. In spite of being a very self centered lifestyle, clubbing it together with the “Joint-Family” architecture; promoted a sense of stability within every family. Every family would have members who are in each of these life phases thus making each family a self sufficient unit which assisted, supported and promoted every individual’s growth. This leads us to think that at an individual level everyone was more stable, content, relaxed and happy.

Now let us fast forward to the present times. To understand present individual lifestyle it is important to note that the “Joint Family” concept has almost vanished and is now replaced by “Nuclear Family” architecture. Though this provides a sense of freedom to family members it comes at a cost. With less number of family members the pressure of maintaining and growing a family fell upon a few with little or almost no backup and guidance. This increased the importance of financial stability over other things. A new thought process of heightened emphasis on earning more money for “Better Life” grew. Over time it became a well established social norm and even the social interactions started getting biased with this concept. This also impacted purest of professions like teaching and medicine; reducing them to mere means of acquiring more money. Knowledge which helped earn more became more sought after thus declining interests in more humane studies. A measure of one’s success or social stature changed from the individual’s ability or knowledge to more of person financial status and worldly possessions. The concept of commercialization grew; though it provided a person with more options and opportunities it also led to a sense of uncertainty and dissatisfaction. The technological advances though promised healthier and easy life; commercialization and undue importance to materialistic things changed the use and intent of technology. This changed the focus of a person towards more fixated intent of acquiring more and more worldly possessions than anything else. The drive may be with the concern of other family members, thus a more selfless life style; but lead to more stressful and dissatisfying way of living. A sense of dread and fear towards the uncertain future; mostly overshadowed the joy of the moment and sense of adventure of life itself. A person spent majority of his life striving to achieve the ever shifting goals and never having the satisfaction of actually achieving them. No wonder now people lived more stressed, misbalanced and dissatisfied life in-spite of being wealthier & healthier than their ancestors.

The picture doesn’t seem so bad after all. A few stitches here and there can fill the embroidery of life with its sense of fulfillment and happiness. Maybe a simple way to achieve this is by giving right emphasis to right things. Though difficult to rejuvenate the culture of “Joint Families”; being more connected and involved can help a lot during difficult and needed times. Instead of sending parents to “Old Age Home” or letting them to stay alone; having them around can be more fulfilling and beneficial with their life long experience and understanding of things (especially kids). Instead of struggling for high paying but less satisfying jobs; converting ones’ passions to professions could be a more rewarding experience. Shifting the focus from what is expected, to start doing what one likes to do; being more self-aware than self-conscious and being open-minded or flexible can bring more satisfaction than expected. Bringing up next generations with right set of values, right sense of fulfillment, right concerns and guiding them in light of right ideals could be a start to pave a way towards a wholesome life and instill the feeling of “We - The Living”…

I – The Selfish…

I cannot express the satisfaction and pleasure I feel to pronounce the word ‘I’. How can anyone be anything but “Selfish”?? I feel PROUD to say “I AM SELFISH!”. Contrary to normal belief about "Being Selfish" it does not seem to be such a bad idea after all; on other hand it could be much more rewarding than the conventional idea of "Sacrifice".

I have toyed with ideas and challenged the traditional believes since childhood. I refuse to accept these believe the way they are preached until I see a reason to it. It is said everything has its reason and everything has its time. Over the time I have come to believe it because I have experienced it and lived through it. I always had a problem with the categorization of Good and Evil, of Boon and Bane, of VIRTUE and VICE and I am still trying to piece it up for myself. It might be in a way reinventing the wheel but who knows from these attempts one may discover that the best design for a wheel is NOT circle but a sphere.

This struggle was silent for a long time till I read a comic-strip created by my friend Arun Shreekumar with the title “Selfish Love”.

I couldn’t agree to it more; from a perspective LOVE can even be a synonym to BEING SELFISH. As usual there were comments and disagreement to use the word ‘Love’ alongside ‘Selfish’ and my friend is guilty to this crime according to a few. This conflict just added fuel to my fire of “What makes something a virtue or a vice?” “Why being SELFISH is SATANIC?” and I had to reason it to myself. Call it a chance or right time I happen to pick “Anthem” by Ayn Rand to read and it silenced the dispute of SELFISHNESS being a VICE or a VIRTUE.

‘Selfish’ is an adjective mostly used to describe “a person whose actions are driven by love for oneself” while ‘Love’ is a tender feeling that one person feels for the other, which can drive people to their limits and beyond. People are sure to question that how can a feeling as pure as love even remotely be SELFISH? But on a closer look they may not be so different after all... 

Of every kind of love known to man there is no love greater than that of a mother for her child. That love is compared to what GOD feels for HIS children and I have no qualms in saying that this motherly love is nothing but purely SELFISH. A mother loves her children without any conditions; without any restrictions; without any bounds; not because the child asks for it or needs it but because SHE wants to. She does it for her own joy as it gives her the satisfaction and peace that no other thing in this world can ever give her. She does it even without being aware of it. When a person loves other truly and deeply it does not matter whether the other person loves back; for the joy one gets in loving other is already his; nothing not even the rejection or hatred or demise of the other can take it away. Who knows this idea may have given birth to the phrase “being madly in love…” for this emotion is beyond Reason.

Another word considered as the biggest hurdle in one’s spiritual growth is ‘I’. The words ‘I’ and ‘EGO’ are disowned and scorned upon by many spiritual/truth seekers; also considered to be the root cause of all evil and born out of man’s ignorance. People try so hard for years to curb this ‘I’ by living lives for others to attain the ultimate peace and satisfaction; but maybe the right path is not in abandoning the path of selfishness, the path of ‘I’ but walking through it towards the Realization of Wholesomeness of ‘I’. Had the word ‘I’ (a sign of singularity and individualism) been so unholy, the GOD would have never been proclaimed to be ONE. Had the ‘I’ been so unholy Advaita Philosophy would never go by “Aham Brahmasmi” (I am GOD); [wouldn’t it be the most EGOIST statement ever proclaiming self to be a GOD]. The only reasoning I can give for this is “Do things which brings YOU happiness. Do things towards which YOU are drawn. DO things ONLY for YOUR happiness. DO things which YOU believe to be right or have faith in. ONLY thing to drive you to do things should be YOUR OWN LOVE for them or happiness directly or indirectly derived from doing it and not some fear. A service done to the underprivileged for the sake of one’s own happiness and satisfaction is a true service else it might even qualify to be just another bribe to get into “Good Books” of ALMIGHTY. The only and biggest disservice one can do is to NOT follow one’s own heart.

Of course merely stating my belief does not prove anything so let me put down a line of thought for you. Let us take an example of any reolutionary person maybe Mother Teresa, Lord Buddha, Swami Vivekananda, Bhagat Singh, Subhaschandra Bose etc.; take your pick. Most of them left their worldly lives, their homes and the blood relations behind. They did not leave because someone told them to but because the thirst, the urge to seek the truth, to achieve the peace and calm, to realize their dream was stronger than anything else in their lives. They did it as it was the only thing that they wanted in their lives. They did it for no one else but for themselves. And in their personal quest for satisfaction for realizing their only dream; they transformed the world. Had they stayed back with their families living the lives the way their loved ones wanted them to; was it ever possible that Mother Teresa would ever be called “Mother” by the whole world, was it ever possible for Prince Siddartha to become Lord Buddha? Would Narendra Nath be able to grow to be Swami Vivekananda; who inspired and guided millions and whose works still continue to inspire the youth even after a century of his demise.

Some may argue that we are simple people living simple lives and not great like the ones quoted above. The only difference between the exemplary people and normal people is that those people devoted their lives to do things in which they have conviction while most others give up on their own convictions because others don’t believe in them; thats ironic... If everyone has conviction as these exemplary people have, this world would be a transformed place. Maybe the only way to achieve it is by being ‘Selfish’ towards one’s own convictions and dreams.

Finally, the vice and virtue is not in the quality or emotion itself but the way it affects other lives. By preserving the essence of ‘I’ and being ‘Selfish’ towards one’s own dreams while giving space for others growth and nurture seems to be a key to bring harmony at every sphere. Be ‘selfish’ and indulge your own sense of being of ‘I’ as if everything in this universe is yours while letting others enjoy it too. Just enjoy the feel of being and be “I – The Selfish”…